Adoption Issues

Tidbit: There are 1.6 million households in the US with adopted children .

I am trying to educate myself so that I may be a better parent. In addition to “normal” parenting, Brian and I have the added “complication” of attempting to help our children connect as much as possible with their birth cultures.

On the one hand, this has some elements that are easy: cook food from their countries, read books with them, decorate with items from their birth countries. On another, it is a daunting task. How do we do justice to these children of the world when we are so dang White?

One thing I have already noticed is that people seem to already make the assumption that Brendan was born in Asia, but they are more surprised to learn that Sela is from Africa. And that brings up another challenge. Our kids are American kids, very clearly so. Yet, they have roots that most American kids don’t. For Sela in particular, I think this is going to be interesting. She will have one foot in African culture, but will also be able to plant the other in African-American culture – a completely different thing.

In an effort to begin my education, I picked up an Ebony magazine. One of the first things I read was the message from the editor – a message that addressed the issue of adoption! The editor did a wonderful job of showing two sides of an issue that is, as I see it, only going to keep growing. There are people who point to the fact that there are “tons” of Black kids in the US foster care system. From the other side of this issue is that there are thousands of orphans in Africa who also need loving families. (There is another issue of transracial adoption that I don’t even want to begin to delve into at this point.)

Decisions made during the adoption process are very personal to each person that makes them. While the stories all tend to have a similar theme, each is also very unique. And I can’t emphasize how personal it is. Many people who adopt love to tell the story of how their little one (or ones) came into their lives. Some don’t. And I would venture to say that not a single adoptive parent WANTS to be criticized for their decisions. And by questioning why certain choices were made is a somewhat subtle form of hurtful criticism. So, when I hear of people who are upset that people choose to adopt from Africa instead of choosing to adopt within the US, it pains me greatly.

In an effort to better educate myself on this issue, I decided to do some research. I want to understand the plight that upsets people so much.

The US Department of Health and Human Services has published a preliminary report on the Adoption and Foster Care system for FY 2005. As of September 30, 2005, there were about 513,00 children in foster care. 14% of foster kids are “in the system” for 5 years or more. They are almost evenly split between boys and girls. The largest group is White-Non Hispanic at 41% of kids. The next largest group (32%) is Black. Of these kids, 114,000 are “available” for adoption. 40% of these kids are White, 36% Black. 49% are 5 years old and older. Kids 15 and older are in a category to be emancipated rather than adopted. (To see this report go to http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/tar/report13.htm)

In contrast, there are between 2 and 6 MILLION orphans in Ethiopia alone. In 2003, UNICEF reported that there were 11 million orphans in Africa, with the “worse…yet to come.” Half of these children are between 10 and 14 years old. “The orphan crisis in sub-Saharan Africa will worsen dramatically in the coming years. By 2010, there will be approximately 20 million children in sub-Saharan Africa who have lost at least one parent to HIV/AIDS, bringing the total number of orphans in the region to 42 million.” (http://www.unicef.org/media/media_16313.html)

These numbers aren’t to say that I think kids in the US don’t need adoption. EVERY child deserves a loving family. And every family who decides to adopt does so for their own reasons and with their own choices. To top it off, I have a firm belief that the children that end up in our homes are the ones God intended to be there all along. So my kids aren’t my birth children. They couldn’t be more “my” kids if they were.

While I am on my soap box, I have one other thing I want to briefly get off of my chest. I know people who are reluctant to adopt because they are afraid the kids will have emotional issues or unknown health problems. What is funny about this is that there are no guarantees with birth children, either! All I feel I can do as a parent is try every day to do right by my kids. If I mess up one day (which I do), then I vow to do better the next day. Are my kids going to have some identity (and maybe abandonment) issues to work out because they are adopted, don’t look like most people they know, and have not been raised where they were born? It is very likely. But those issues aren’t ones that can’t be worked on. They aren’t issues Brian and I aren’t going to do everything we can to help them with. (Which is why I picked up an Ebony magazine!) And maybe, just maybe, it will make us a stronger family when we deal with our children’s hurts and pains.

Okay, I will step off now. I have been thinking about these things for quite a while and am happy I could share the information. It may not change worlds, but maybe it will help me help my kids.

Much love,

Lori